MIA

I feel like I've been neglecting this blog. It's been a terribly long time since I've written anything.

I live in a bubble here. When I leave I am bombarded by the subtle messages of our culture and the sights and sounds of my fellow inmates. It seems that as time passes the stronger my reactions to the prison become. And more and more my desire to retreat to Wild Roots becomes.

I left this place in August for 10 days in Newfoundland. It was a great trip spent in great company seeing a part of the country that I pledged to visit. We drove up the west coast of the rugged province camping and snacking and reading, learning and hiking and it was lovely. However we both experienced very strong reactions to the people and behaviours we encountered along the way. More and more it seems we have less and less in common with people tapping away at their cell phones or purchasing hollowed out buns injected with factory farmed mystery meat. So I just want to get away, get back to sanctuary. But maybe I have more in common with them than I think. Maybe by being here I don't have to face that I'm no different, no matter how I try to stand aside. I know there is no escape and that I am as much a prisoner as anyone else on this earth.

On the trip there were moments of temptation when I almost ate the seared muscles of tortured animals in bright, happy, plastic restaurants. But I passed the test and remained me. "Just fries please." The temptation was so strong. Why not, just this once? What's the harm?

One thing that Dan left me with was a loathing of people. And there is no doubt that he has good cause to feel that way. Just look around at all the obese, inane, abusive people. People make bad choices, we all do. The only thing we can do is remain aware and conscious and we'll see those bad choices decline. How do you support people to embrace this view? How do you help them to open their eyes?

I'm so happy to be home. I feel safe here: books, quiet, gardens, healthy food.

A friend recently wrote and told me off for running away from Hamilton. But this is where I am. I can't face the world anymore. But please don't think I've given up. Ask all the people who have passed my door this summer. I think they would say that they learned a few things from Wild Roots. Most of all they have been happy. My approach is changing. Just live the right way and people will find their way to you and go back again. Perhaps.

There's this line echoing in my head from Thee Silver Mount Zion Tralalala Band or whatever they are calling themselves these days. It's from a song called There's a River in the Valley of Melting Snow. Maybe this will make sense:

"I have grown tired of the struggle
And I've grown tired of making plans
I think I'll quit to the valley
Regain my strength
And start again
Where once we were some clumsy army
Now we are just lazy hens
I think I'll quit to the valley
Until the light moves me again..."