Mushroom Madness

No this isn't a post about mushroom hunting in the woods. It's actually a story about the silly global economy, where oil fuels a completely insane production line. I'm in the city, where I just can't be comfortable. But that's another story. We're staying at Jane's parent's place and they are at the cottage (again thanks to the global economy).

Jane's mum shops at Costco, which is a bewildering place, a monstrous cavern of consumption. But you get amazing prices. I'm realizing that it's best never to even go in the automatic doors. I'm so tempted by the deals. I buy organic nachos by the kilogram there. Organic green tea? How about 100 teabags?

Anyway I was excited to uncover a plastic jar containing 1 pound of dehydrated mushrooms purchased at Costco the other day. And here's the most amazing part: it contains four types of mushroom. Porcini from Chile, shiitake from China, yellow bolete from Serbia and oyster from Montenegro. Apart from Serbia and Montenegro who are close geographically, all these mushrooms are grown thousands of kilometres apart.

Then each mushroom type is gathered and shipped to France, where the label declares the plastic jar was packed. Then the jars are exported to Canada, likely arriving in Ontario and then they are shipped to Halifax, where they were purchased.

What an amazing story! Pharaohs didn't have it this good. Think of all the greenhouse gas emissions to move these mushrooms around. But at least there were some jobs created. And you have to wonder at what point the mushrooms were dehydrated. Hopefully in the open air.

So tomorrow I'm going to make Jane a homemade veggie burger (kidney beans, chickpeas and millet base) and we'll have fried mushrooms on top. She will have a little Swiss cheese I'm sure. What decadence!

Waste Not . . .

Before I left Hamilton, I wanted to organize a talk simply entitled: Shit. A night where people could begin to learn about their "waste" in a realistic and thoughtful environment. We usually think of it in fear and disgust. For the night I even had a few speakers lined up because more and more people are realizing that their "waste" is actually more valuable than they have been taught. It's in fact, something not to be afraid of but part of the natural process of decay and rebirth.

I chose Shit because it's a word that we use all the time but never think about. It's a curse, literally, and the product from which it draws its name is equally undesirable. So we perch on porcelain thrones and deposit it into the very same drinking water that comes out of our taps. We drink it and brush our teeth with it. Does that make sense?

Regardless, it must be removed as quickly as possible, lest it poison us and our community. It is the embodiment of our evil, full of bacteria and viruses, and every time we expel it, it reminds us, tragically for the civilized, that we are no different from any other animal on this earth. We must deny this at all costs.

How many times have you needed to purchase composted manure for your garden? Why pay anything at all? There's a perfectly useful large mammal under your skin. You don't even have to drive to the store. Despite our desire to dump it into bodies of water or burn it or bleach it, shit was made to be composted.

And it's not that hard to do. First you need a three bin composting centre. Just hammer together seven skids which are open at the front and top. Fill the middle section with hay or dried leaves or straw.

The next step is to construct a composting toilet. Not one of those thousand dollar models you seen in "green" magazines but something you can put together almost for free using lumber lying around the house or your city. You'll need a strong plastic bucket which you could get from Tim Horton's. Build a box to contain the bucket and cut a whole out of the top. Slap a toilet seat on and you're good to go! Well almost, you'll need some sawdust, available from lumber yards (avoid treated wood) to accompany your composting toilet.


Every day make your visit to the box and deposit your "waste". Piss freely as well. Cover your "waste" with a generous portion of sawdust and repeat. When your bucket is full take it out to your composting centre and add it to one bin. Bring another bucket of water and your toilet brush out to clean it quickly; pour the water on the pile.

Over the course of a year you should fill this bin with compostables and straw. Everytime you add a bucket load, cover it with straw. This is important to keep in oxygen to feed the micro-organisms that are going to break down your compost and it keeps the smell down. You can also add your kitchen waste to this pile and any yard waste--don't give it away to the city!

After a year, start a pile in the other section of the composting centre. Let the original pile season for a year and it's ready to be used in the garden and the empty chamber for "waste" again.

We've been at it for a month now and everything is going great. In fact we just built our second toilet for downstairs (see picture) and are planning to take out a dismal flush toilet that drains into our beautiful brook. What were they thinking?

For more information on humanure and simple and effective composting toilets check out Joseph Jenkins' Humanure Handbook. It's telling that despite being a bestseller, no publisher will touch him.

He must have kooties from composting all that shit.